Binary Bullshit: The "Feminine" and Feminism

By: Liberate Zealot

A continuation of Femmephobia is Everywhere 

A lot of the time, I hear people discuss gender roles and characteristics, and the culture at large, as some sort of immutable absolute. "This is the way it is, and has been, world without end (amen)".  Which is such bullshit.  Culture undergoes plenty of changes, some vast, some minute, some incredibly quickly, some at a glacial pace.  And just as culture changes so does our understanding of men and women, masculine and feminine and gender roles, characteristics and binaries.

The (Euro-Western Centric) modern gender Binary sets up characteristics as:
Men                                                     Women
Strong                                                   Weak
Active/Aggressive                                   Passive/Submissive
Logical                                                   Emotional
Analytic                                                  Intuitive
Sexual                                                   Chaste
Decisive                                                 Flaky
Genuine                                                 Back-stabbing

And while some of these are very similar to the ideas of previous centuries and various cultures, some of the binary characteristics are the complete opposite of previous centuries.

From the time of the ancient Greeks through the Renaissance women were seen as more "fleshy" and sexual than men.  Women were temptresses  and men needed to stand firm to their lusty ways.  Similarly this was one reason why women needed to be under the control of men, women weren't seen to be able to control themselves or their "baser" impulses. Now of course over the 1700s this began to change, and by the Victorian era there has been a complete reversal, women were the chaste/non-sexual ones who needed to be protected from base men who couldn't control their lust (and thus male relatives needed to protect their women from other men).
In the course of 200 years the European view of sexuality, morality, and self-control of (middle and upper class) white men and women made a complete about face.  Women went from being "fleshy", lusty, of a simpler morality, and in need of outside control to chaste/non-sexual, the moral centers of the family/society, and in charge of not only controlling their own desires and impulsiveness, but those of men as well.  Meanwhile men went from being the more moral and in control of their desires to having almost uncontrollable lusts that women needed to both control and be protected from.

During this same time period the cultural understanding of emotion and logic underwent vast changes. Again from the time of the Greeks through the Renaissance emotion and logic were not seen as binaries, and both were the domain of men. Deep emotion and the purest and deepest of relationships and love were between men.  At times this was considered especially true of warriors (Japan has also had this interpretation of emotion, relationships, and warrior men).  It wasn't until the Enlightenment Period that emotion and logic became fully divorced and binary traits, and the more "undesirable" one, emotion, became a feminine/womanly trait. And when it comes to male friendships and the societal view of their closeness and expression, these underwent a dramatic shift in barely a decade (the trials of Oscar Wilde and increasing awareness of homosexuality and the stigma against same sex relationships had a lot to do with this).

And this doesn't get into the more tangible signifiers of men/women or "masculine" and "feminine". The blue and pink and their gender alignment shift is perhaps one of the better known examples.  Make-up, high heeled shoes, and long hair have by turns been strongly aligned with with different genders (at different times) or been seen as gender neutral.  During times of gender neutrality these things were often related more to class (make-up and high heels for example).  And the Euro/US/Western idea of math as a male discipline and humanities as a female one is decidedly different than the Japanese understanding of gender, math, and literature.

Furthermore the gendering of roles breaks down as soon as the role becomes associated with profit or recognition.  Cooking for the family is considered women's work, but once it comes to a profession chefs are (mostly) men. The becomes even more true when the chef is "high class" and celebrated.  Fashion, especially the buying of it, is seen as a feminine thing, yet the majority of established and recognized designers and photographers are men.

Basically as traits/roles/characteristics gain or lose their societal worth or value they shift between men and women or being "masculine" and "feminine".  The roles, characteristics, and traits are certainly not immutable.  Neither do they (for the most part, exceptions can be made for weak, back-stabbing etc) have any intrinsic value and for the most part were not created FOR or BY the Patriarchy.  Rather the Patriarchy has created the binary and classification of these characteristics, traits, roles.  Patriarchy says women are of less value and so the things the culture values less become "feminine" or the domain of women. And the way to combat this is not through eschewing or dismissing the things that are considered "feminine".  To disdain or look down on things that are "feminine" is simply the continuation of the Patriarchy. This is not to say that women have to take on anything that is considered "feminine" or that women doing "feminine" things is a necessary part of feminism.  Rather, our feminism must include valuing many of the things seen as traditionally "feminine" or for women, even as we seek to dismantle gender roles and the Binary. It's impossible to value women if we do not value any of the things that are seen as belonging to women.

Femmephobia is Everywhere

By: Liberate Zealot

It's a sad fact that men/male is seen as the norm and thus better than female/women which is seen as a derivative and something Other.  This has come to include all things associated with the binary constructs of these two sexes/genders.  The exact role, interest, characteristic, or accessory can change between time periods and cultures (for example in the US math is a male pursuit and valued over the humanities/literature while in Japan math is seen as more female and literature as more male and literature has a greater value).  

"Femmephobia is the devaluation, fear and hatred of the feminine: of softness, nurturance, dependence, emotions, passivity, sensitivity, grace, innocence and the color pink."

Anything that is seen as female is seen as having less worth as anything associated with men and the masculine.  This is a basic tenant of Patriarchy and is a message we all internalize and must work to overcome.  Tomboys and exceptional women are awesome.  Even people who don't think women can be scientists understand our desire to do so, because it's a guy thing and cool.  Same with women who like sports, wear jeans, do geek things, have short hair, prefer beer over wine or cocktails.  However guys (and even woman) who are into sweet cocktails, dance, make-up fashion, or who are quiet, emotional, or caregivers are seen as less than, shallow or aren't taken seriously.  For things which are viewed as female to be marketed towards men they need a special title, like murse or guyliner.   For men it can be physically dangerous with bullying and hate crimes.  Which isn't to say that women who are gender nonconformists aren't attacked or harassed, but we have much more leeway in how we express ourselves and our interests before we are considered gender nonconformists.  

• Femmephobia is why fashion is seen as a shallow interest while more "masculine" areas of art are considered deep. 
• Femmephobia is why women can wear pants/trousers and men can't wear skirts. 
• Femmephobia is why "traditionally feminine" jobs like nursing, grade school education, and child/elder care are devalued and paid less than other jobs which require equal training and work.
• Femmephobia (and bi-phobia) is why queer women complain about two femme queer women being in relationships  
• Femmephobia is why gay men complain about fairies/flaming/femme gay men making "us all look bad".  
• Femmephobia is why this little girl can understand why the labeling of toys as for boys and girls, and the use of pink and blue for marketing is alienating and oppressive for girls.  But needs prompting to carry that thought over to it also being oppressive for boys.

Femmephobia is internalized.  Three year olds have internalized it.  For many years I internalized it in regards to my open disdain (which is very different than personal dislike) for the color pink.  I still struggle with it in regards to my opinions about emotions/logic and often have to check how I unconsciously think about emotional people.  It's in aspects of the feminist community that see feminine women as "tools of the patriarchy". (To be clear, when I or other's write and speak about "tools of the patriarchy" in regards to femininity and femmephobia, we're not talking about the phrase in the Audre Lorde sense.) 

As a woman and feminist you're a tool of the patriarchy if you wear dresses, or heals, or make-up, if you have long hair, are a stay at home mom, or are sexually submissive.  The thought is that Patriarchy created not only enforced gender roles and the idea of femininity and masculinity, but also the very things that are currently seen as feminine.  And thus these things are bad and to embody/portray any hallmark of "traditional femininity" is a perpetuation of Patriarchy. 

Which is absolute bullshit, both based on facts and feminist theory.

The idea of "traditional femininity" and the creation of strict gender roles is a result of the Patriarchy.  The categorizing of objects, roles, characteristic, or appearance as for men or women, or as masculine and feminine, is a result of the Patriarchy.  But the roles, objects, characteristics, and appearances themselves are not inherently male or female, and neither are they inherently sexist.  Throughout history and in different cultures long hair has been worn at different times by men, women, both, or neither.  The ideas that only women should have long hair, and/or that all women should have long hair are results of Patriarchy, but long hair in and of itself is not Patriarchal and anyone can have long hair without perpetuating Patriarchy.  Traditionally make up has been used to as protection against weather (Egypt/kohl) and to hide the pox.  It's only been with the creation of a smallpox vaccine that no make-up or subtle make-up for men and women (outside of the art scene) has become the norm.  The idea that women must wear make-up, or that men can't is Patriarchal, but make-up itself isn't Patriarchal. 

Yes, now a days these things are seen as feminine, and femininity in itself doesn't combat the Patriarchy.  Or at least femininity in women doesn't, an argument can be made about "feminine" men or genderqueer persons.  However, one can be a "feminine" woman and challenge the Patriarchy.   One can be feminine and fight for women's rights in regards to fair pay, reproductive rights, and an end to rape culture.  One can even be a feminine women and fight against enforced gender roles and stereotypes (shocking I know, but only if you've still internalized Patriarchal ideas about femininity).  One can be feminine and a serious feminist.  To say otherwise suggests that one cannot be feminine and serious and worthy of respect, which means that women who don't ape the ways of men aren't serious or worthy of respect, which means women aren't serious or worthy of respect. 

Femmephobia, no matter where or how it is expressed, is the internalization of the Patriarchal message that women/females and womanly/feminine things are less than.  It's completely unacceptable in anyone. 

Follow-up - Binary Bullshit: The "Feminine" and Feminism