On "Why do Men Catcall?" Spoiler alert, it's bullshit!

By:  Malanka Sveta

http://all4women.co.za/more/general/why-do-men-cat-call.html?fb_comment_id=fbc_10150890870979264_27076293_10151732085444264

No.  Just...no to the whole article.

"Have you ever walked down the street, minding your own business, and suddenly heard a loud wolf whistle or cheers directed at you - or worse?"

Yes.  It's called being in public while in possession of a vagina without a present owner.

"Some women are flattered by it while others are annoyed. The main question, though, is why men even do it at all?"
Because a subspecies of "men" can not live with the knowledge that women are in public while in possession of a vagina without a present owner.  Can you fact check?  Not all men do this.  Most men do not do this.  Why are you so down on men?

"While there’s no simple answer to this habit, one of the prevailing theories is that when men are with other men their bravado shoots up higher than it does when they are alone. Have you ever noticed that when you’re with your girlfriends you sometimes get a spurt of self-confidence?"

Self-confidence is not what causes the disrespect and dehumanisation/objectification of one half of the population of the fucking planet.  Try again.

"Maybe you talk to a guy to whom you wouldn’t normally talk, or you feel like you can make choices that you might not when on your own. It’s kind of the same thing."

Have you ever met a woman?  I'm not being sarcastic, I'm actually asking.

"There’s a saying about being ‘ten feet tall and bulletproof’ and for some men, when they are with ‘the guys’ their confidence is escalated and they don’t feel as timid about approaching women because they have more back-up. The cat calls, in this instance, are less about the women and more about the men."

Catcalls are always about men, and male dominance.

"You might be surprised that a lot of men who make the cat calls actually have healthy relationships at home and aren’t necessarily looking for a date or to get laid. What they might be looking for, however, is simple validation. The attention, however brief, that the woman gives them is enough to continue to boost their confidence."

I would be very surprised to find out that any man who routinely disrespects women has ever had a "healthy relationship" with one.

"So what if you give them a steely glare instead of a smile in return? Well, sometimes negative attention is better than no attention at all. The reaction, whether it’s good or bad, is enough to satisfy the men."

Is there a point here?  Is the point that this sub species of men don't care how women feel?  Like, at all?  Because that's all I see.  You, and any man who thinks like this, has no concern for how any woman ever feels at all.

"While they might feel demeaning and you have every right to complain if they go beyond that or you feel like you’re being harassed, you can usually guarantee that they’re going to stop at that. Sometimes, the men just like to show off to one another. If you do feel as though the comments are uncalled for, however, or you feel threatened in any way then it definitely might be time to put in a complaint."

How about this sub species of men start treating women as people?  Can we try that for a while?  I'd also like to point out that nearly every woman has been actually physically threatened by a man who catcalls.  All catcalls are uncalled for.

"The next time you’re with your girlfriends, though, you might want to try to return the favour. You might just see how embarrassed the men can get in return!"

How do I put this delicately? CATCALLS ARE NOT A FUCKING FAVOUR!

When 15-Year-Old Girls Highlight Issues with Traditional Canon and Academia

By: Liberate Zealot

In class my students had to perform a summary and theme analysis of Chang'e and the Archer, a Chinese myth that is also known as the Moon Lady. It's the story of an immortal couple punished and sent to earth through the husband's attempts to save the people of earth.  His wife is upset and he goes in search of a way to become immortal again.  Versions of the myth disagree on wether it was a pill, potion, or magical apricot, but he gains one of these from the Queen Mother of the West. and it should be strong enough for both of them to return to heaven as immortals.  However, the archer doesn't tell his wife of this, instead he hides the pill/potion/apricot away because it must wait to mature, or be taken on a cloudless night.  He leaves and Chang'e finds the pill/potion/apricot and eats it.  However, she overdoses, or the night is cloudy, and instead of going to heaven she flies up to the moon instead.

Traditionally this story is meant to warm about the dangers of curiosity, taking things that don't belong to you, or warn women to be obedient.  However tradition is often most influenced by men.  My students, who generally don't have much experience in traditional critiques or theme analysis, and a girls raised in an increasingly feminist society, interpreted the myth quite differently.

Instead of being a lesson for Chang'e the morals were directed at her husband or men in general:
"Women will always find what you try to hide."
"Be honest with your partners."
"Don't hide things from you wife."

When it was a moral directed towards Chang'e it was about "don't allow yourself to be punished for someone else's actions."

And I know in so many classes or places my students would have been called wrong.  The morals they found were so far off from the "traditional" that many wouldn't pause to consider their validity.  Despite their answers being text based and ones they could argue and support such interpretations go against centuries of (male) thought that they must be wrong.

This ties into issues with academia, tradition, and interpretation in general. For so long the literary canon has been decided by the people with power in academia.  The proper interpretations of this canon were decided by these same people.  Centuries of traditional and academic correctness have been built by the values and ideas of these people.  And the vast majority of the time these people are men, mainly white men, who come from the upper and middle classes.
I'm a feminist, and I like to think I challenge such hegemonic and kyriarchal structures, but the truth is I was brought up in accordance to this structure.  I was brought up to accept the literary ideas of this culture, and I was brought up to articulate ideas in line with the culture.  And I was good at this.

But these black teenaged girls, from a poor city, who most would consider under-served by the educational system came up with interpretations that were more complex than the moral messages of tradition.  And in hindsight, I think their interpretations are also more correct.  Because why should a wife be punished for something her husband did that she had absolutely nothing to do with?  And what decent parter gains access to a powerful and potentially dangerous substance and doesn't warn their spouse?

Sure, "don't eat things when you don't know what they are" is an important lesson to teach.  But do we have to use grown women to teach lessons that most children learn by the time they're three? 

Buffet Feminist

By: Liberate Zealot

The Patriarchy/Kyriarchy is pervasive, it is entrenched, and sometimes it feels absolute.  It's in the schools, the courts, in politics, in doctor's offices, in media, in pricing and advertising, in religions and atheist organizations, sex and dating advice, cultural standards and stereotypes.  The Patriarchy/Kyriarchy is in economics and banks, it's in psychology, and promotions and pay raises, nerd/geek culture, it's in grocery stores and the price of food, in personal interactions.  The Patriarchy/Kyriarchy is in every person, our selves included.

No person can hope to overcome the Patriarchy/Kyriarchy on their own.  And similarly no Feminist theory, or social justice group/movement, can address every aspect of the Kyriarchy. None of us can hope to understand, focus on, and fight against every aspect of the entrenched Kyriarchy.  And similarly, our relative privileges make us blind to many of the causes, branches, and results of the Kyriarchy.

Just as the Kyriarchy has many voices and arms (and heads) so must we who fight against it. We need Radical Feminism, and Liberal Feminism, and Communist/Socialist feminism, and Sex-Positive Feminism, and Womanism, and PostColonial Feminism, and all the branches of Feminism to combat the many permutations of the Patriarchy/Kyriarchy.  Similarly we need people and movements to address the areas that Feminism fails to address (while working to make ourselves better allies).

We need all the Feminist voices to shout out against the incessant drone of the Kyriarchy.  And we need to work to support new voices, and make sure our own voices don't silence the voices of other people who are unheard in the Kyriarchy.

And because I believe most deeply in this need, because I think Feminism is doomed without its many and ever expanding voices and branches, I am a Buffet Feminist.

Nothing But the Bargain

By: Liberate Zealot
Content Warning: Discussions of homophobia/heterosexism, sexism, racism, classism.

Recently between politics, family dynamics, and my relationship with my boyfriend I've been thinking a lot about my personality and ways of dealing with things.  Specifically the extreme changes they've undergone over the past 20 years and the reasons these changes happened. Two days ago Melissa McEwan reposted The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck and it reminded me of my own Terrible Bargain, and how this bargain has changed me through the years.

Was that a duck?

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.


Pop quiz! If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a __________.

Can you spot the duck?

Yup. Definitely a duck. Look at that perfect example of a duck. I've got my eye on you, duck. 

Uh... yeah. Still a duck. Just, like, with a nose job or something.

Ah, there we go. Back to the definitive duck-action.

Uh... heh. Ok, you got me. It's a goose. But geese are like ducks, so nice try. 

Ye-ah... ok, so it's a swan. Point taken. Still, it could break your arm if you went up to it and called it a duck, so it's up to the swan to differentiate itself from ducks.

Ok, that's just mean. Yes, it's a duck even if it has mobility issues and can't walk quite like other ducks. Geez.

Uh... that's a movie character. It's some dude dressed up as a duck with animatronics and stuff.

Now you're just being sarcastic.

Ok, ok, I get it. Some animals have duck-like qualities and are otherwise totally not duckish at all.

.... you don't have to be rude ....

What the... what end is the...

To break it down for the uninitiated, when talking about issues including sexual violence and victim-blaming, etc, often we hear the aforementioned justification of "if it looks like a duck." Insert for "duck" anything ranging from slut, whore, n*****, f**, etc.

As you can see, it's not even straight-forward to describe a duck. Is it the bill? Is it the feathers? The affinity for water? Are loons ducks? Are geese just a tall and lankey species ducks? Do all ducks quack?

When it comes to women and the label "slut" (as just one possible example), it's even more complicated. Women and girls are frequently labelled sluts for every manner of perceived indiscretion, from the length of their shorts or skirts, amount of skin shown, number of sexual partners they're perceived to have had (real or imagined, really doesn't matter when slut-shaming), how they carry themselves, their profession, their hairstyle, their makeup, their height, their weight, their breastsize, colour of their skin (racism and exoticism of women of colour is a huge factor), who they associate with and family makeup (if one of their friends or family members has been labelled a 'slut', so much easier to label them as such), if they're perceived as flirty (again - reality doesn't matter so much as perception), marital status, etc etc etc.

This isn't hyperbole. This is what women and girls and queer not non-gendery-binary persons experience. Anyone who declares that there is a solid definition of whom can reasonably be labelled with a slur against their sexuality and that the lines aren't easily blurred to envelope whomever the slur-slinger wants to slander, is either blissfully ignorant or a baldfaced liar.

And, even if one happens to fall under the so-broad-as-to-be-meaningless definitions of slut, what then? If you are saying that sluts get treated as such, then you must have some idea as to what that treatment entails. And, here's a hint, it often involves violence.

If you aren't saying that you are sanctioning sexual violence against any one of the myriad of persons who, at one point or another in their lives or the course of a week, could be called a slut, then you really need to think more deeply about your words and their implications. Words matter. Words have meaning. Words can make the difference between supporting survivors of sexual violence or of supporting rapists.

Please think about your words and their implications, because they matter.

Attribution Theory and White Male Mass Murder

By: Liberate Zealot
Content Warning: Mass shootings, White Supremacy, Christian Supremacy, Eliminationist Language

In Education Attribution Theory students perceive their unexpected successes and failures and attribute these events to internal or external causes.  Do they think it's about internal and/or controllable things like their effort and ability or external/uncontrollable luck or their teachers?  Education psychologists and researchers have examined this theory among different ages, genders, and countries to understand the different ways students make use of Attribution Theory.  When I was studying Education I was taught, though not everyone agrees with this, that as a whole boys and girls have different types of Attribution.  When something good happens, like they unexpectedly pass a test, boys attribute it to themselves, their efforts and ability.  Girls are more likely to attribute this to luck.  However, this method of internal vs. external attribution flips when students unexpectedly fail a test.  Then girls attribute this failure to themselves (they aren't smart enough, they need to study harder), whereas boys attribute unexpected failure to outside influences, specifically an unfair/bad teacher. These findings are based on white children.  African American students are more likely to consistently attribute failure and success to their teachers, ability, environment, and luck (all sources outside their control).

The point is people attribute things based on how they're socialized.  White (cis)men/boys think that success is all them, while failure is attributed to the fault of some Other. Think about that for a moment and then start to apply that theory to the culture at large. Then go a step further and think about how this relates to the recent (and past) mass shootings and terrorist/hate crime attacks on non-christian religious centers. 

Babe, Is this Sexist

Now, this was supposed to go up on Wednesday, but than shit happened (trigger warning for link). So now, finally, we're having the winner for the relationship memes/tropes installment of Babe, Is this Sexist? (Also yes, Daniel Tosh does win this award in perpetuity from here on out).

"Ze does it because ze loves me"*

Now yes this is sexist, and the reason is it's a major part of abusive relationships while also being sold, by the media, as the proper response from women when their partner does something inappropriate/abusive.  See Twilight for examples. 

Love (and often in cases of abuse love is more to obsession or a sense of ownership than, you know, actual facts love) does not excuse bad actions on the part of a sexual/romantic partner, or a parent, or a friend, or anyone. 
This exact concept is often part of the controlling that an abuser does before the serious emotional/physical/sexual abuse starts. 

Submit suggestions for the next installment of Babe, is this Sexist? Which is looking to be more of a once or twice a month installment, rather than the weekly thing it once was.  If interest in this picks up and the suggestions pour in than this might change again. 
Check our Facebook page for the next poll. 
* Ze is a gender neutral pro-noun.

Go to the "Babe, is this Sexist?" Masterpost

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, or you worry you/they might be, please feel free to contact us for information and resources. 
You can e-mail us at feminist.armchair.regime@gmail.com

See here for possible actions you can take against Tosh and Comedy Central.

Family Relationships and the Catholic Church

By: Liberate Zealot
Cross posted on F.A.R tumblr
Content Warning: Catholic Church, reference of sexual violence

So I've been meaning to write this post for a while, and this is my third attempt this week.  But every time I start something else comes up, I need to play with the kitten, or make home made soup, or some such thing.   Really it's just hard to articulate exactly what I want to say and express, so I've found other things to occupy my mind.

As is mentioned in my bio, my brother is a Future Priest, he's just finished his first year in a Catholic seminary.  He decided he wanted to do this two years ago, and while my parents and I aren't exactly happy about it, we haven't tried to talk him out of it and guilt trip him about it.  We respect his right to decide what is best and right for his own life.  And he knows I have issues with the Catholic Church, and took the time to talk to be about how he doesn't support their stance on Gay Marriage.  Which was nice, but rather missed the point.

Which since then he did an interview with his college and discussed how his family reacted, and mentioned me as being unsupportive.  He's also written several letters, with lots of religious platitude, about how he feels this change/separation in our relationship.  And the amount of not getting it is staggering and heart breaking. 

We see each other at family things a couple times a year (we live in different states so that would be the extent of it no matter what). And don't discuss the issues then, because it wouldn't be pretty and we don't want to ruin the holidays or whatever for everyone.

And I've never responded to his letters, and he hasn't forced the issue with phone calls or anything.  The reason is, I think it would ruin what relationship we still have (and I hate to be vulnerable).  But here's what I might say.

The Vatican is anti-woman and anti-queer, and it is actively so. It seeks to push it's own beliefs on everyone else in the world.  And to be a priest is to support that, the Vatican demands you support it. And this is oppressive to my very being.  I am a queer woman, and the Vatican is against me, against my identity.  Not only within it's churches, but in the public streets and the halls of government as well. It seeks to oppress me, and requires its priests, eventually my brother, to do the same.
And this is something I should be supportive of? And don't speak of reforming from the inside.  The nuns might happily and vocally defy the Vatican when it comes to its political involvement and stance on queer rights and choice, but I don't see any priests doing that.  And my brother never did in the past, is it suddenly to change once he gets his vestments, then he'll become an ally, when he never was before?
And so my brother has picked a hierarchical and Kyriarchal institution that actively seeks to oppress his own sister.  Of course our relationship has changed.  It wasn't me who changed it.  I might still love my brother.  But how can I trust and respect someone who will take a leadership position within a group that hates and seeks to suppress and outlaw my rights, my autonomy, my personhood? 

I cried when I saw that interview.  And I don't cry often, the only other times what year were about dealing with the sexual violence I endured.
In a way his decision to join the Catholic Priesthood and belief that I should support him was as much an attack on my person as the sexual violence.  Both erased my autonomy, my right to personal control and emotions.
I never expected that from my brother.  

Maybe some day I'll have the strength to say or write all of this to him. But right now the potential fallout isn't worth the clearing of my mind.  I'm not ready yet. 

Babe, is this Sexist? Father's Day Edition

Babe, is this Sexist? Comes to you on a special day for our special edition dedicated to Fathers.  Generally we only cover one thing per post, but today, as a gift, here are 3 sexist/sex discrimination things!

First  up, the most popular (from the poll) option that was found while looking through Amazon (a mistake) for Father's Day Gifts.

And FUCK YES this is SEXIST!

• It's made by Focus on the Family and oh how they suck.
• "Authentic" Manhood, I'm gonna guess it's all about being "masculine" and heterosexist. And remember positing "Masculine" as the only way to be an authentic man places man/masculine as better than woman/feminine is super misogynistic!

Now onto the runner-up. Huggies Dad Test Ad Campaign.

"To prove Huggies Diapers can handle anything we put them to the ULTIMATE test, Dads."

Because men are suck and bumbling parents! So Sex Discrimination against men.  And also sexism since the idea is built on the benevolent sexist framing of women as natural caregivers.

So Huggies pulled the ads and supposedly put up a Pro-Dad version.  But we're not really seeing a difference since it still suggests that dad's make a better test for diapers since they're not as good with babies and baby things as moms. 

And finally, no votes, but a charming Father's Day gift suggestion from Target!

Just what dad needs, a place to escape from all those wimminz!  Because men totes need a safe space on top of their privileged existence in public/pretty much every place ever! 

So yeah, this is sexist. 

So to sum up, after a hard day of failing with babies, raising their son's to be "authentic" men in the finest traditions of misogyny and heterosexism, Dad's need a place to escape from those nagging women! 

Or they can continue being decent people and good parents. And for all the father's that manage this, 

Happy Father's Day!

Go to the "Babe, is this Sexist?" Masterpost

The BFD (Big Fucking Dictionary) of Activism and Inclusion

By: Liberate Zealot

An evolving dictionary/glossery of words and terms used by the Hivemind.
*If I've missed any or you know of alternative definitions please let me know!

*I'm trying to be as gender neutral as possible, for a list of gender neutral pronouns see here.

• Ableism - Prejudiced thoughts/speech/actions against people with mental/physical/emotional disabilities (differing abilities). 
• Accesibility - The extent to which a place (often but not always a location) is accessible to everyone, generally, but not always refers to people with disabilities. 
• Advocate - A person who speaks for hirself, hir community, and/or a disadvantaged community.  See self-advocate. 
• Ally - A person from one (normally privileged) group who stands up with and supports members of an oppressed group.
• Androgyn* (e, ous, y) - A person whose biological sex and/or gender is not readily aparent, and/or identifies between the two main genders, who presents as both masculine and feminine, and/or has cast of gender/gender roles completely.
• Appropriation - Specifically cultural appropriation is as aspect of racism where people from a dominant group take on a part of the culture from an oppressed group that they continue to marginalize. Different from cultural appreciation, but it's a thin line. http://www.racialicious.com/2008/09/18/cultural-appropriation-homage-or-insult/
• Aromantic - A person who does not feel romantic attraction/feelings for others. Sometimes, but not always related to being asexual.  
• Asexual - A person who does not feel sexual attraction to others. It can be, but not always is related to being aromantic. 
• Benevolent Sexism - A type of sexism that is based on protecting/caring for men.  Often confused for chivalry and/or female privilege. 
• Bias - Prejudice, an inclination, world view, or preference that limits understanding and impartiality.  Everyone has some biases.
• Bigotry - Intolerant prejudice which glorifies ones own group and denigrates people of other groups/identities. 
• Biphobia - Fear, dislike, hatred of people who are bisexual.
• Bisexual - People who are sexually and or romantically attracted to people of at least two genders. Often is used interchangablely with pansexual. 
• Cis*(gender/sexual/man/woman) - A prefix that means on the same side as. A person (man/male, women/female) whose sex and gender are the same as what they were assigned at birth. 
• Cissexism - Discrimination and prejudice against trans* people. 
• Classism - Discrimination/prejudice against people of different classes, often used specifically for when done by upper-class people against low-classes.  
• Color Blind - The idea of treating everyone "equally" by ignoring (not "seeing") differences.  First used in regards to race, but the idea is used in other areas of inequality/oppression.  Has sense been proved to actually increase/support racism http://www.blogher.com/new-study-finds-links-between-colorblind-ideology-and-racism
• Disability - A physical/mental/emotional "impairment" that results in special needs.  One can be born with, or gain a disability. Some people with disabilities prefer the term differently abled. When discussing disabilities remember to use person first language (person with Autism) and/or the terms/language prefered by the person/group with the disability.
• Discrimination - Prejudiced treatement or people/groups.
• Dominant Culture - The cultural values, practices, and beliefs that is considered the most common, mainstream, influential within a society. Very tied into the white, straight, (Christian), able bodied, able minded, cismale, masculine identity (though this can/does change between cultures and sub-groups). 
• Empower(ed/ment) - When oppressed group members take/feel power, often by refusing to accept the dominant/oppressive culture.  Very tied to choice and liberal feminism. 
• Ethnic(ity) - Divides people into smaller groups based on culture and/or country of origin.  I'm some places it's tied very closely to race in other's it is more seperate. 
• F to M/FtM/F2M - Female to male.An abbreviation used to signify a type sex/gender change, normally used by transsexual men. 
• FAAB - Female assigned at birth. Used in trans* and genderqueer communities to describe the sex/gender doctors/parents assigned/believed one to be.  Can be used by cis/trans/genderqueer people.  
• Female - A sex identification, seperate from gender.  It's based on genitals, genetics, and mental sex. 
• Feminism - "The radical notion that women are people". The belief that women deserve equality and the actions taken to ensure this. A large theory with many subgroups. 
• Gaslighting - Emotional/mental manipulation or policing used to control discredit people who are disagreeing/challenging the gaslighter.http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/12/a-message-to-women-from-a-man-you-are-not-%E2%80%9Ccrazy%E2%80%9D/ 
• Gender - The idea of women and men, sometimes considered to be a social construct, very assosiated with presentation - feminine/masculine and gender roles.  Depending of the person these things are seen as all the same or seperate but informed by each other. 
• Gendered - Assosiated/Having to do with a gender, often tied to presentation or gender roles. Ex. pink and blue are gendered colors. 
• Gender and Sexual Minorities - People who are not heterosexual or cis*. Normally used as an umbrella term, generally not used as an idenity. 
• Genderqueer - People who identity as both/inbetween/neither men and women and or male and female or is in anyway gender noncomformist.  Both an umbrella term and an identity.
• Hate Crime - A crime motivated by the actual or percieved race, sexuality, religion, ethnicity, country of origin, gender, gender identity, or disability of the victim.  Different states and countries protect different groups under hate crime laws (if they classify crimes as hate crimes or offer any protections/punishments for hate crimes). 
• Heterocentric - Placing heterosexuality as the dominant culture. 
• Heterosexism - The belief that everyone is or should be heterosexual.  growing to replace the word homophobic. 
• Heterosexual - A person who is attracted to the opposite sex, specifically refers to male/female, but can refer to to people who care more about gender and less about genitals. 
• Homophobia - Fear/hatred of people who are homosexual (and other non-heterosexual people). Some people dislike assosiating this is phobias which are a legitimate medical problem. Heterosexism is replacing this word in some spaces.  
• Homosexual - A person who is attracted to other's of the same sex.  Sometimes used by people who feel an attraction to only the same gender, but don't care about genitals. 
• Inclusive - Open to and accessible to all peoples (or at least as much as is possible).
• -Ism - A word that means prejudice + power.  Ex. racism can only be down to people of color, sexism can only be done to women.  Not everyone uses this defition and they will probably use insitutional/cultural when discussing this dynamic.  
• Internalized * (Racism/Sexism/Heterosexism) - When an oppressed group has bought into the oppressive ideas/actions and supports the dominance and supremacy of the dominant group.
• Intersectional(ity) - The connecting/relating/intersecting oppressions faced by people who are some combination of non white/straight/cis/male/Christian/wealthy/ablebodied/ableminded/and more). Also refers to the belief/understanding/action based on intersecting oppressions. FAR Intersectionality, http://tigerbeatdown.com/2011/10/10/my-feminism-will-be-intersectional-or-it-will-be-bullshit/
• Intersex - A person who with born biologically intermediate between male and female.  Refers to gentials and genetics.  Can also refer to ambiguous genitals but only one time of sex tissue/organs/genes. 
• Kyriarchy - A continuation of Patriarchy theory that addresses Intersectional oppression/structures. On Archy.
• Lesbian - A woman who is attracted to other women. 
• LGBT - The most mainstream acronym that addresses GSM people. Stands of Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans. It critiqued for lack of inclusion, and also that many communities that call themselves LGBT are less accepting of Bi and Trans people. 
• LGBTQIAQAT - Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, Queer, Intersex, Asexual, Questioning, Androgynous, Two-Spirit. An acronym that lists more types of GSM people. It's rare that all of these will be used at once. 
• M to F/MtF/M2F - Male to Female. An abreviation used to refer to a type of sex/gender change.  Mainly used by transexual women.
• MAAB - Male assigned at birth. Used in trans* and genderqueer communities to describe the sex/gender doctors/parents assigned/believed one to be.  Can be used by cis/trans/genderqueer people.
• Mansplain - The act of a man condecendingly explaining things to a women, speficially about things she knows more of.  Often related to feminism, sexism and/or a woman/female experience. 'Splain is used for the same attitude/dynamic when it does not involve a man 'splaining to a woman. 
• Marginalized - Excluded or ignored opressed people/groups. 
• Misogyny - Hatred of women.  Seeing them as less than and Other.
• MRA - Men's Right Activists. Classified as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. See http://manboobz.com/ for info on their beliefs/rhetoric. 
• Multiplicity - The quality of having multiple and simultanious social identities. Unlike intersectionality it is not always assosiated with oppression. 
• Naming - "When we articulate a thought that has normally not been discussed." Can refer to the culture and/or individual. 
• Oppression - The systematic and pervasive inequality that results from institutional privilege and power where one group benefits at the expense of another. 
• Othering - An oppressive and kyriarchal/patriarchal method of stereotyping characteristics/roles onto groups as a way to explain oppression. Results in Us and Other categories with Other, naturally, getting the short end of the stick. 
• Pansexual - The attraction to people are various/all types of sex, gender, and presentation. Some people use this interchangably with bisexual, other's see them as distinct sexualities. 
• Patriarchy - The system of oppression that favors men and results in the Othering and oppression of women. On Archy.
• People of Color - A collecting term for people who are of Asian, African, Latin, Middle Eastern, and/or Native/Aboriginal backgrounds.  As opposed to white people from a European background. 
• Polyamory - The practice of having multiple open and honest love/romantic relationships. 
• Prejudice - A, usually negative, bias or preconcieved belief/judgement about a person or group of people.
• Privilege - A right, license, and/or excemption that only some people have access or avialability to because of group memberships. 
• Queer - An umbrella term and/or identity for anyone who is a GSM. 
• Questioning - Someone who is uncertain of hir sexuality/gender identity.
• Racism - Discrimination and/or prejudice against people based on their real or percieved race.  Usually refers to the actions/thoughts of white people against people of color. Can manifest in many ways. 
• Religion - A system of spiritual beliefs, often tied to culture, and normally of an organized variety. 
• Safe Space - And area/location where people are free of oppression and feel able to honestly and openly express their feelings and experiences.
• Self-Advocate - A person who advocates for themselves.  This differentiation from advocate is mainly used amongst disability activists.  
• Sex - The biological classification of male, female, intersex that is based on genetics and or physiological features. 
• Sexism - Discrimination and prejudice based on sex and/or gender, usually by men against women. Can manifest in many ways. 
• Sexual Orientation - A person's sexual/romantic preference/attraction/interest in others. 
• Silencing - The intentional or accidental process in which the voices and participation of people of oppressed groups are ignored, discredited, excluded, and/or inhibited. 
• Social Justice - A term for actions intended to increase the equality/fairness/justice for all oppressed peoples. 
• Stereotype - Blanket beliefs/views about people from different groups. Ex. Blonds are dumb, black people are lazy. 
• System of Oppression - The conscious and un-conscious, organized, insitutionalized discrimination, prejudice, and exploitation of oppressed peoples. 
• Tolerance - Acceptance of the differences of others, does not always mean agreement or support and so is not always the prefered term of activists/advocates. 
• Transphobia - Fear/hatred of people who are and/or are perceived to be trans.  Has the same critiques as the term homophobia and expresses the same ideas as cissexism. 
• Trans* - an umbrella term that includes as variety of people who defy/change their sex/gender.  Normally used to refer to people who are transgender and/or transexual.  Can also refer to drag queens/kings, cross-dressers, and anyone who is any type of genderqueer.
• Transgender - People who identify as a gender different than the one which they were assigned at birth. 
• Transmisogyny - Misogyny as experienced by trans women.  Specifically the increased attention/fear/hatred/violence they experience compared to other trans people. http://juliaserano.blogspot.com/2012/04/trans-misogyny-primer.html
• Transexual - A person who identifies as a different gender and sex than the one they where assigned at birth.  Can refer to people who have had genital reconstuctive surgery and/or those those have not had any surgeries. 
• Two - Spirit - A Native American/First Nations term with no exact English relation.  Best translations assosiate it with the word queer, and/or people who are both men and women.  Can be used to describe several types of GSM identities.
  
  Main Resource 

Let's Talk About Sex

By: Liberate Zealot
Content Warning: Rape culture

Or more accurately let's talk about how we talk about sex.  The narratives surrounding sex and the words and expressions used when we do talk about sex. Specifically let's talk about how these things are often major contributors to rape culture.

By the nature of what I'm discussing and Kyriarchal culture this will be somewhat heterosexist and trans/genderqueer erasing.  When possible I will be gender/sex neutral.  So while the language/narratives discussed are not inclusive I will try to be so. 

So Sexy It Hurts

By: Liberate Zealot
Content Warning: Sexism, Kyriarchy, Racism, Slut-Shaming

The idea that certain things are "sexy" or "too sexy" and therefor "inappropriate" is all over.  In various countries, among liberals and conservatives, feminists and religious extremists, there's the idea that a woman's body (more so than men) wearing certain clothes or doing certain things are so sexual (and objectifying) that they are bad and inappropriate.  Now different cultures have somewhat different standards (and these have also changed over time).  However, the overreaching standards that gain more and more prevalence are based on "Western" ideas.  And the "West's" ideas of sexuality and being "too sexy" are based on centuries of colonialism, "Othering", and the Kyriarchy.  

Western Europe and the people who came from there and conquered the lands that would become the US, Canada, and Australia had specific ideas about the acceptable role and appearance of women, and also ideas about "the savage" non-whites/non-Western Europeans.  These ideas have created our current ideas of not only what is "inappropriately sexy" but also what is considered "sexy" at all.  So to dismantle the Kyrirachal framing of things as "too sexy" and slut-shaming we need to look at how current standards of "sexy" and "too sexy" came into being.

Femmephobia is Everywhere

By: Liberate Zealot

It's a sad fact that men/male is seen as the norm and thus better than female/women which is seen as a derivative and something Other.  This has come to include all things associated with the binary constructs of these two sexes/genders.  The exact role, interest, characteristic, or accessory can change between time periods and cultures (for example in the US math is a male pursuit and valued over the humanities/literature while in Japan math is seen as more female and literature as more male and literature has a greater value).  

"Femmephobia is the devaluation, fear and hatred of the feminine: of softness, nurturance, dependence, emotions, passivity, sensitivity, grace, innocence and the color pink."

Anything that is seen as female is seen as having less worth as anything associated with men and the masculine.  This is a basic tenant of Patriarchy and is a message we all internalize and must work to overcome.  Tomboys and exceptional women are awesome.  Even people who don't think women can be scientists understand our desire to do so, because it's a guy thing and cool.  Same with women who like sports, wear jeans, do geek things, have short hair, prefer beer over wine or cocktails.  However guys (and even woman) who are into sweet cocktails, dance, make-up fashion, or who are quiet, emotional, or caregivers are seen as less than, shallow or aren't taken seriously.  For things which are viewed as female to be marketed towards men they need a special title, like murse or guyliner.   For men it can be physically dangerous with bullying and hate crimes.  Which isn't to say that women who are gender nonconformists aren't attacked or harassed, but we have much more leeway in how we express ourselves and our interests before we are considered gender nonconformists.  

• Femmephobia is why fashion is seen as a shallow interest while more "masculine" areas of art are considered deep. 
• Femmephobia is why women can wear pants/trousers and men can't wear skirts. 
• Femmephobia is why "traditionally feminine" jobs like nursing, grade school education, and child/elder care are devalued and paid less than other jobs which require equal training and work.
• Femmephobia (and bi-phobia) is why queer women complain about two femme queer women being in relationships  
• Femmephobia is why gay men complain about fairies/flaming/femme gay men making "us all look bad".  
• Femmephobia is why this little girl can understand why the labeling of toys as for boys and girls, and the use of pink and blue for marketing is alienating and oppressive for girls.  But needs prompting to carry that thought over to it also being oppressive for boys.

Femmephobia is internalized.  Three year olds have internalized it.  For many years I internalized it in regards to my open disdain (which is very different than personal dislike) for the color pink.  I still struggle with it in regards to my opinions about emotions/logic and often have to check how I unconsciously think about emotional people.  It's in aspects of the feminist community that see feminine women as "tools of the patriarchy". (To be clear, when I or other's write and speak about "tools of the patriarchy" in regards to femininity and femmephobia, we're not talking about the phrase in the Audre Lorde sense.) 

As a woman and feminist you're a tool of the patriarchy if you wear dresses, or heals, or make-up, if you have long hair, are a stay at home mom, or are sexually submissive.  The thought is that Patriarchy created not only enforced gender roles and the idea of femininity and masculinity, but also the very things that are currently seen as feminine.  And thus these things are bad and to embody/portray any hallmark of "traditional femininity" is a perpetuation of Patriarchy. 

Which is absolute bullshit, both based on facts and feminist theory.

The idea of "traditional femininity" and the creation of strict gender roles is a result of the Patriarchy.  The categorizing of objects, roles, characteristic, or appearance as for men or women, or as masculine and feminine, is a result of the Patriarchy.  But the roles, objects, characteristics, and appearances themselves are not inherently male or female, and neither are they inherently sexist.  Throughout history and in different cultures long hair has been worn at different times by men, women, both, or neither.  The ideas that only women should have long hair, and/or that all women should have long hair are results of Patriarchy, but long hair in and of itself is not Patriarchal and anyone can have long hair without perpetuating Patriarchy.  Traditionally make up has been used to as protection against weather (Egypt/kohl) and to hide the pox.  It's only been with the creation of a smallpox vaccine that no make-up or subtle make-up for men and women (outside of the art scene) has become the norm.  The idea that women must wear make-up, or that men can't is Patriarchal, but make-up itself isn't Patriarchal. 

Yes, now a days these things are seen as feminine, and femininity in itself doesn't combat the Patriarchy.  Or at least femininity in women doesn't, an argument can be made about "feminine" men or genderqueer persons.  However, one can be a "feminine" woman and challenge the Patriarchy.   One can be feminine and fight for women's rights in regards to fair pay, reproductive rights, and an end to rape culture.  One can even be a feminine women and fight against enforced gender roles and stereotypes (shocking I know, but only if you've still internalized Patriarchal ideas about femininity).  One can be feminine and a serious feminist.  To say otherwise suggests that one cannot be feminine and serious and worthy of respect, which means that women who don't ape the ways of men aren't serious or worthy of respect, which means women aren't serious or worthy of respect. 

Femmephobia, no matter where or how it is expressed, is the internalization of the Patriarchal message that women/females and womanly/feminine things are less than.  It's completely unacceptable in anyone. 

Follow-up - Binary Bullshit: The "Feminine" and Feminism 

When Men Don't See

By: Liberate Zealot

Content Warning: Depictions of Street Harassment


I've seen and been in lots of discussions with men about street harassment. They almost always suggest that men aren't aware of street harassment, or how prevalent it is because they don't see it happening.  That no one harasses women when they're with men.  I hear or see this and I always flash back to times when I or friends of mine have been harassed. 

Just play by these rules and you'll be fine

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.


Let's play a game, shall we? Let's pretend this is only a game and not relevant to real life and that there really is a way to win.*

Now, in this game, you are a white, able-bodied ciswoman. You have class privilege from growing with up two parents who are not rich but are solidly middle-class and in a healthy, non-abusive family environment. What luck!

Now, in this game, pick one of the two:
You:

1. a) date or have dated people who are not 100% respectful of you.
   b) only date people who are 100% respectful of you at all times.
2. a) have had sexual contact outside of marriage
   b) are saving your viriginity for marriage
3. a) don't have kids
   b) have kids
4. a) are utilizing some form of birth control
   b) are not utilizing any form of birth control
5. a) are conventionally attractive
   b) are not conventionally attractive
6. a) are an atheist or agnostic
   b) practice a particular religion
7. a) are married and your partner makes more money than you do
   b) are married and you make more than your partner does
8. a) imbibe legal and government-regulated intoxicating substances
   b) do not partake of any intoxicating substances
9. a) you're married
   b) you're not married
10. a) you are not constantly thinking about your personal safety
    b) you are hyper-vigilant about your personal safety
11. a) you are knowledgeable about rape myths, and take calculated risks 
    b) you abide by every single "safety tip" just in case

Ok, pencils down! Let's see how you did!

In the interest of full-disclosure, I feel it's only fair to let you know it's all downhill from here.

1. a) Women only date assholes because they like being abused! - minus 5 points!
   b) Why don't you give him a chance? As if you're so perfect. - minus 10 points!
2. a) You've had sex with how many people? You disgusting slut! - minus 20 points!
   b) You're waiting for sex until marriage? What a prude. You're probably a dyke. - minus 8 points!
3. a) You don't have kids because you're focussed on your career? What a sad, empty life you must lead. - minus 50 points!
   b) You don't have a job because you stay at home with the kids? What a waste of potential. - minus B^2 points!
4. a) You use birth control? You must be a slut. - minus (Pi)R ^2 points!
   b) You didn't use birth control? You're such a stupid slut. - minus 100 points!
5. a) You're so beautiful. You could get any guy, so you must be a slut. - minus 150 points!
   b) You're so ugly. You must have to be a slut to get anyone to pay attention to you. - minus 42 points!
6. a) You're an atheist? No wonder you have no morals. - minus 500 points!
   b) You're a (insert religion here)? No wonder you're a mindless sheep. - minus the square root of infinity points!
7. a) Your husband is rich? You must be shallow and just with him for the money. - minus 37 points!
   b) You make more money than your husband? How immasculating. How does he put up with that? - minus 73 points!
8. a) You like to drink booze? You're such a dirty lush. - minus 60proof points!
   b) You're straight-edge? What an uptight bitch. - minus 100 percent points!
9. a) You're married? How were you able to fool him into getting stuck with you? - minus calculus points!
   b) You're not married? You musn't be good enough to get any man to want to stick with you. - minus a googleplex points!
10. a) Don't be so naive and trusting! All men are rapists! - minus uber lots of points!
    b) Why don't you trust men? You must hate them. - minus (GDP of Brazil) points!
11. a) Don't go down dark alleys because you'll get raped! - minus a bazillionty points!
    b) You never take chances. You're timid and pathetic. What do you think's gonna happen? The boogeyman gonna get you? - MINUS ALLLLL THE POINTS!!!!!!1!!1!1!!!ELEVENTY!1!!

And, you lose! Yay! What a fun game! Now, let's play again, only now you're non-caucasian, disabled, LGBTTQQ, poor, etc. You lose even more! Stop playing because your losing is harshing my buzz!!!!!

Now, for something completely different (because I don't wanna play that game any more, either).

*CAUTION! THIS POST MAY HAVE BEEN OVERSATURATED WITH SARCASM!

Babe, is this Sexist?

Only a couple people voted this time around, but the choice was unanimous.

Which really?

- Hahaha!!! Period hormones make women crazy emotional!!! Which they do know that irritability (and other symptoms of PMS) happen before periods start right? Hence the P for pre-menstrual.  Also, not all women have PMS.
- Those "dangerous" comments (and some of the "safer" ones) are just plain offensive no matter how calm a person is.  A lot of them are straight up gaslighting.  Really, try those with me any time of the month, I'll still rip you a new one.
- Some of the "Safest" comments like "Here's my paycheck".  Because all women want is money amirite?  So we can afford the bonbons.  Why would we get married or have sex if not so we could have someone financially support us?
- And really, yes wine is awesome, and a drink at the end of the day helps one unwind.  But booze as the only way to calm a women down?  Cliched relating of women and wine? Really?

Sooo Sexist!

This week's "Babe, is this Sexist?" was influenced by the recent "Really? With Set and Amy"

Post your submissions for next week's Babe, is this sexist? in the comments.  We'll pick our favorites and let you know!

If you also want to vote, visit the Facebook group next Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday to vote for your favorite submissions.  Also, please feel free to resubmit options that weren't chosen!

Go to the "Babe, is this Sexist?" Masterpost

How to get her to suck *content warning*

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.

This little charmer of a headline was waiting in my Spam mailbox this morning. Rather than see what glorious (read: gross/rapey/triggering) wisdom and/or product they have to offer, I thought I'd take the opportunity to offer my own sage advice.

How to get her to suck:

1. When in her presence, or posting anywhere online where the intended female may view your comments, reinforce gender stereotypes and laud women who do the same, whilst simultaneously complimenting and slut-shaming women you find sexually attractive. Make sure that you put out as many messages as possible, post them all over your Facebook wall, tweet them, blog about them, etc. Make sure she cannot escape reading them.
   
2. Compliment her on "not being like other girls" any time she does something misogynistic. Use it as a compliment of the highest order. Encourage her to prove how much better she is than other women, especially if that means degrading other women in the process.
   
3. Sexually harass her. If she reacts badly, tell her it was a joke. Get other female friends to tell her to lighten up. Keep this up until she accepts the sexual harassment as complimentary, ordinary, and something to look forward to. Encourage her to brow-beat other women who speak out against sexual harassment.
   
4. Tell rape jokes around her. Commend her if she laughs at them. Encourage her to tell some herself. Applaud her for being so "edgy" and "not like typical girls" and "just one of the guys".
   
5. If she has a grudge or grievance with another woman or girl, encourage her to slut-shame them. The other person's sexuality doesn't even need to be remotely connected to the issue. The more acrimonious her slut-shaming, the more you should laugh and cheer her on.
   
6. Have movie nights where you watch sexually violent and degrading movies and make fun of the female characters who are brutalized in these films. If she acts uncomfortable or tries to leave the room, make fun of her, saying "it's only a movie." Make sure she knows her feelings of discomfort are both unwelcome and completely unwarranted.
   
7. Any time she is mildly unhappy or not enthusiastic, accuse her of being on her period. Use her objections as proof of her being visited by her Aunt Flo. If she admits to being on her period, say "I knew it", and make a generalized statements about how menstruation makes women inferior to men. Make sure she laughs at the joke, otherwise it's further evidence of her menstrual moodiness.
   
8. Don't let her do anything for herself. Whether it be changing a tire, changing the channel, updating her computer operating system, or anything other than shopping, cooking, and child-rearing. If she doesn't let you do things for her, accuse her of being an uppity feminist. If she does let you, use it as proof that women can't do these things.
   
9. Always use her as an example of her entire gender when she's doing something wrong/ bad/ weird, etc, and as an exception to the rule any time she does something good/ right/ cool, etc. Make sure she agrees when you point these out. If she doesn't agree, go back to #7.
   
10. Make exaggerated and sexually-charged comments about women in the media who benefit from personal trainers, plastic surgery, and air-brushing. Point out all the flaws in women you see at the grocery store, on the news, online, etc. Make sure to add a few digs here and there about her complexion, figure, hair, and how they don't match Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox. If she remarks on the personal trainers, etc, go back to #7, and/or any of the other tactics.
    
11. Ensure she's never confident in her own opinion. Even if she's 100% right. If she has evidence, say she's misunderstanding your original point, or that her evidence doesn't quite apply exactly to the particular way you've phrased the issue. Correct her at every opportunity. And when she looks to you for validation, point out that she's not confident. 

There. Now, if you go through all of the above steps with the intended woman or girl you were originally posing the question about, she will be one sucky human being. Or, she'll stop returning your calls and completely block you out of her life and devote the rest of her days to feminism and challenging schmucks like you. Really could go either way.

Now, if you are looking to know how to get someone to consent to sexual activity for you, here's a couple pieces of advice:

1. Be a decent human being.
2. Treat them like they're a decent human being.
3. If they expresses interest in you beyond friendship, try kissing them first. If they're not interested in kissing you, then stop. 
4. If they kiss you, ask if they want to go any further. If you're not comfortable verbalizing what you want, stop. If they're not comfortable verbalizing what they want, stop. 
5. Accept that sometimes, no matter how nice or decent or charming or helpful or attractive or rich or funny or brilliant or utterly amazing you are, the person you like won't want to be sexually intimate with you. Or may only want to be sexually intimate with you once. Or in a limited way. It happens. No amount of advice will get you beyond that point, because the other person has a right to not want to be with you for any reason at all, even if they can't or won't verbalize that reason.

This advice may seem counter productive insofar as it won't necessarily "get you laid". That's ok. Sex isn't something you're owed. It's not something your partner is owed. It doesn't have to be in the context of a long-term, monogamous, heterosexual relationship, but it does have to be with enthusiastic consent by everyone involved at all times. 

Consent and respect and very sexy. If the person you're interested in doesn't seem to think so, time to move on, because your boundaries and safety are important, too.