(apologies for the wonky formatting. Cut & paste fail).
I'm feeling inspired by #safetytipsforladies (which is currently a thing on twitter) and, thanks to a gentle nudge from a fellow Hiver, I've decided to put that inspiration to some use - sharing important life lessons I learned from Disney Princesses.
Feminist Frequency, it's both possible and even necessary to simultaneously enjoy media while pointing out/poking fun at some of its more pressing problems. Disney princesses have their good sides too - but this article isn't about that.
Without further ado, here are the 10 most important things Disney taught me about what it takes to be a proper, successful princess (*cough* little girl).
10) Sing or be silent - jibber jabber is unbecoming. And for sidekicks.
|10: Like this guy.|
9) Judge that book by its cover, girl - the prettier the prince, the happier you'll be.
8) If you have priorities other than a man, you're doing it wrong. Only win the war or stop the murder if it'll net you a husband. Preferably a prince of some sort.
|8: Brave, Right? Now put a ring on it, Johnny.|
7) Other girls are catty and/or trying to poison you. Confide your troubles in animals instead - you'll get less sass.
|Don't take that apple! She's not a cute little woodland creature!|
6) No boy will ever notice you without the right dress and shoes. Pink and dainty, respectively.
5) Why run or ride a horse when you can dance your way to your destination? Just don't try to leave the enchanted forest - especially in those shoes.
|Woodland creature? Check. Somewhere to be? Check. Work it!|
4) Mansplanations make the best serenades. Let him open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder - and make sure he asks Dad if it's okay for you two to get married. If the men agree, bliss guaranteed.
|Don't you dare close your eyes, girl. I'm serious.|
3) If he says "he can change" after being an abusive monster, believe him. Nothing bad can come from that kind of optimism!
|Nothing says "I love you" like whatever this is...|
2) To get the man (which is the most important thing) don't be afraid to relocate, redo your entire personality, and above all, hold your tongue. Dudes dig the silent, compliant type.
|Who needs to talk when you have a pink dress?|
1) If someone kisses you while you're asleep, you're his property now. Live happily ever after. As chattel.