Another International Misogyny Day

By: Malanka Sveta

So yesterday was International Women's Day. Or, as I am now calling, International Be A Misogynist Asshat Day. Literally every man I was in contact with yesterday pulled some misogynist asshattery. Every single one.

Actual quotes include: "Happy IWD! I support you!", from my roommate to his male friends. And, later, "It's just a joke, get over it!". When you are using "woman" as an insult in and of itself, that is misogyny. Your joke was that being a woman is an insult. I don't need to just get over it, you need to not be an asshole. You have 364 days, I have one. Is it so much more than I deserve that you must ruin it every year?

And from the dude who asked my opinion of the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, "Perhaps watch it again, through to that salient point.". Perhaps if you ask for my opinion you should not tell me I'm feminist wrong and dismiss what I have said in its entirety. The Dove campaign, and Unilever, are terrible. They are cashing in, or trying to cash in, on the insecurities that media has thrust upon women in the first place, and their other products and advertising are deeply racist and misogynist. I'm not going to fall over myself to congratulate them for wrapping up misogyny in a prettier package. As for any actual issue they address, they've been addressed. Jean Kilbourne. You should probably Google her if you in fact want to be an ally and understand the impact of media on self esteem.

These are not the only examples, they are simply the ones that were the worst and most insulting because they were unexpected.

So I'm going to, as I do every March 9, start rebuilding my faith in men. I'll keep you posted.

Who's the victim? Co-opting activist language is en vogue.

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.

Who's the boss? Who's the victim? Evidence of a feministicalogical conspiracy
to enslave teh menz? You be the judge...

I'm not the sort of blogger who is able to keep on top of every new topic that comes along. Not least of all because there's so much shit that happens all the time. If this were a full-time job, I'm still not sure I could do it. I'd likely miss deadlines as I cowered under my covers, hugging my teddy bear and softly singing to myself, "It can't rain all the time".

Actually, it probably can.

So, given that I'm not trying to keep up with the minutiea, sitting back and watching from a slight distance provides some clearer perspective on overall trends that I've been noticing (I'm certainly not the only one, as you'll see, because I'm quoting posts from Manboobz.com).

For example, it's interesting (read: ridiculous & depressing) that the term "victim" is being simultaneously misappropriated and maligned by groups and individuals who wouldn't know what it is to be a victim if it came up and slapped them upside the head (which would be ironic, because then they'd be victims of assault). I know that this isn't just something that MRAs do, I just know that I'm more aware of their hijacking of the term because I find it deeply offensive and obnoxious.

They seem to have recognized that people tend to sympathize with "victims". So, in wrenching sympathy from those who deserve and need it (i.e. - people who have been actually victimized), they've adopted a tactic of "Don't sympathize with them! They're chowder heads! Look at us! We've got hangnails because women are teh debbil! We don't like it when people criticize us for being so shitty, so we're going to co-opt their language unironically to excuse and pretty-up our abuse."

One of the more frustrating things about this tactic, is that genuinely nice people who actively work to support survivors of various forms of violence and oppression don't always know how to react to it. When someone states they are being oppressed or victimized, the standard response from good people is to try to support them and work with them to alievate what it is that is affecting them. When it's cis people claiming that the existence and acknowledgment of trans people are oppressing them by "reinforcing negative gender stereotypes by trying to conform to the opposite-sex" (I shit you not, I've seen that argument), good people are often gobsmacked into silence. Like, what do you say to such a bizarre misappropriation of the language of anti-oppression work?

Here are my suggestions for how to deal with people who usurp activist language to justify their bullshit:

1. GIF party - when people are being absurd, sometimes the only logical and sane response is a lolcat

2. MEME party - similar to GIF party, but can also be done without pictures. Eg. - "What is this? I don't even"
3. Short answers, "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." - unfortunately, while this is often the first response that comes to mind, it often leads the OP to demand that you "prove" what they said is false, inaccurate, misleading, batshit insane, etc. Sometimes that can be difficult in the moment, because their claims are just so bizarre that no rational breakdown rebuttal immediately comes to mind.
4. Post links stats and studies to the contrary - this can be helpful when you are so gobsmacked you can't formulate a response other than to point to someone else who has already laid out an eloquent response
5. Ask questions. This can be very helpful in getting over the initial "O_________O" response. Keep asking questions, like: "How exactly does recognizing and honouring the experiences of transgendered persons negatively affect you as a cis woman?", and "And you came to this conclusion how?" and "And how has denying and ignoring the existence of oppression helped women so far?" and even "Are you posting ironically? Because it's pretty bang-on if you're being facetious in order to highlight the absurdity of the claims of those who find it expedient to discount their own levels of privilege."
6. Take a break. I know that with discussions online, sometimes 5 minutes can feel like an eternity, and any time away from the topic can feel like the other side is "winning" by filling up the conversation with venom that echoes when not addressed. But, seriously, if you're gobsmacked or your face is turning red because you are so irate that someone could post something so offensive, it's ok to take a break. Often, with a bit of distance (even as short as 5-10 min) comes greater clarity in how to respond. And, in your absense, it's possible someone else will also chime in and put into words what you have been trying to express. Allies are awesome that way.
7. Stop responding. This may be counter-intuitive, but sometimes it can be very effective to let a ridiculous comment stand on its own without comment. Posts can echo, and sometimes the silence that follows can be more powerful than any other response.
8. Copy and paste. If you've been posting online about social justice issues for any length of time, chances are you've repeated yourself, and perhaps have repeated yourself so many times you can't be arsed to type the entire response out again. That's why I started updating a document with my most-common arguments. No sense reinventing the wheel. If people are going to keep lazily rehashing insults and out-dated arguments from a half-century ago, then you're allowed to repost something you said last week.
9. Build a group of allies. I've got a great collection of amazing people that I rely on as a sounding board and comic relief when dealing with these issues. Sometimes I'm too close to the issue or too upset to respond in a timely manner, so I go to them to see if they're able to respond, instead. It's not 100% assured someone is around to respond, but having people there to vent to helps regardless.

Now, I'm sure there are many other ways to address these types of arguments, and your mileage may vary on any and all of these suggestions. Whatever happens, know that you're not insane and, yes, they are really maliciously co-opting activist language, and yes, it really is fucking offensive. But at least you're not alone.



MST3K, self-care, and recycling tropes about "today's criminal youth"

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.

I'm not sure if it's a mid-winter thing, but it seems that myself and many of my allies are approaching burn-out. For myself, it's pretty understandable, since I've been active online this full year battling rape culture in the name of Slutwalk, aside from battling marginal employment, mounting debt, and the regular demands of adulthood. This past year has been quite a feminist education, for I've encountered every kind of triggering, misogynistic, regressive, patriarchal sludge the internet has to offer, and then some. This was also the year I learned about MRAs. And all that gets to me.

Part of my self-care is to watch Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Seriously. I used to watch it on the Sci Fi channel (you know, before they spelled it wrong), and then around 2002, in Napster's hay day, I started finding and downloading episodes. It took me about 5 years, but I was able to acquire every episode from every season, plus the movie. Shhh. Don't tell. I mean, er, I bought them all. Ye-ah...

My favourite episodes have got to be movies from the 50's and 60's that hype the evils of "today's youth". Those lousy beatniks and their crime sprees. Those are what was wrong with the country! Because, goodness knows, there were no out-of-control teenagers in the 20's or 30's! Oh, noes, those were the real good ol' days. You know, during the Great Depression. Wait.

Realistically, there were no "good ol' days". Any period can look glossy and inviting with the passage of enough time to smooth over the rough bits. Heck, I look fondly upon the 80's and early 90's, but we know they weren't all sunshine and lollipops.

Now, for the uninitiated, let's take a look at those crazy kids from the 50's and 60's and check out the roots of those who are currently running our country *cough*intotheground*cough*.

Season 1, Ep. 12 - Untamed Youth

Season 4, Ep.15 - The Beatniks

Season 5, Ep. 7 - I Accuse My Parents

Season 5, Ep. 22 - Teen-Age Crime Wave

Season 6, Ep.15 - Kitten with a Whip

And there are more. Many more. But you've gotta look for them. Bon appetit.