Rape, Rape Culture, and Recovery - 3 Years Out

By Liberate Zealot
*Content Warning - Discussions of rape, rape culture, and PTSD*

Let me begin by saying these are my own personal experiences and in no way meant to reflect the experiences of all victims/survivors.  Even victims/survivors with similar experiences of sexual violence might experience very different effects and have very different roads of recovery.

The one thing I think the vast majority of us share is that recovery is not an absolute, it is a constant journey of progress and triggers and backsliding and unlikely to fully ever end.

I know sometimes I have thought I've reached, or nearly reached, the end of my recovery.  Months have passed since I've thought of him, or that night.  Since I've felt that knot of anxiety in my stomach, or that strange mental disconnect where my brain seems to float partially separated from my body.  Since that dizzy, rushing feeling overtakes my ears, eyes, brain, and body.
Sometimes months pass, but then something happens.  His name shows up on my Facebook feed, I see someone who looks like him when I'm out and about, I hear about another woman's rape which is similar enough to mine that I cannot disconnect my own experiences from hers.  Perhaps I hear a rape joke, am watching some movie or TV show that features a rape (these are worst when I cannot prepare for them).  Perhaps I just surprisingly dream in some way of that night and awaken, shaking.

Statistics vs Lived Experiences for Women at College

By Liberate Zealot
*Content Warning for discussion of sexual assault, rape, stalking, domestic violence, and rape culture*

Recently in the feminist/social justice sphere of social media that I inhabit a variety of people have been naming Cards Against Humanity and one of its originators, Max Tempkin, as good examples of those with privilege listening/learning/and properly apologizing for when they harm others.  And this regard for the game, and its creators, especially of Max, is something I take great issue with.

Not only because it is a game created by a bunch of (to my knowledge) heterocis white dudes who are upper middle class and therefore its hard to take any of its racist/sexism/homophobic/transphobic/ableist jokes as "ironic".  After all Max Tempkin wrote a lovely apology about that using all the appropriate language of "privilege" and how irony doesn't "punch down."

The issue with this apology and Cards Against Humanity is that I know Max.  We attended the same small liberal arts college, we have many mutual acquaintances, and Max Tempkin is a rapist.

By Liberate Zealot

Because watching my drink

And white knuckling keys between my fingers

And wearing jeans and sensible shoes

Was supposed to be my contract with the world

Providing safe passage

Protection against rape from the shadowy stranger

Haunting the corners of the club or streets. 

Because in the years of safety advice

From teachers, friends, chain letters, and police

Never once did they admit I would know him

That he would look me in the eyes and smile

He would wait days or weeks or months

And say all the right words before ignoring my own. 

Because even after that night

They still won’t admit its not the stranger in the street

I should fear

Or that the predator in the clubs is the ex-boyfriend

Or that it wasn’t caused by the length of a skirt

Or having long hair and a glass of wine.

Because they won’t admit

That following the rules isn’t protection

I know other women will have

The same realization that the one that will hurt you

Isn’t the shadowy figure in the night

(Though we’ll still fear him too).

Open Letter to CNN

By: Liberate Zealot

As many people are well aware, the primary Steubenville Rape Trial is over, and the rapists were convicted (and will likely serve 3 year or less between the two of them).
Justice is served?
Hardly, but that hasn't stopped CNN, specifically Fredricka Whitfield, Paul Callan, Candy Crowley, and Poppy Harlow for feeling bad for the rapists.
One way to fight this horrible example of rape apology and rape culture is to publicly call in out in the broad sense, another is to personally call out the people responsible.  I'm attempting to kill two birds with one stone.

"I'm writing to you because your reporters commentary over the Steubenville Rape Trial and its verdict has been absolutely reprehensible.  Reporter after reporter bemoaned the fate of the rapists and how their "promising lives were ruined" for being held responsible for the crimes they committed.  Whitfield, Harlow, Callan, and Crowley all expressed sympathy for the rapists and much of the footage was focused on the rapists and their families crying after the verdict was read.
I can think of no other instance where reporters try to heavy handedly drum up support and sympathy for people convicted of serious crimes. Certainly the other stations did not engage in this.  And the actions of CNN's news teams are especially inappropriate considering the ubiquity of rape and the lack of rape convictions that exists in the United States.  The commentary of your reporters and film shown not only speak poorly of your ability to show serious news without bias, but also perpetuates this serious rape culture.  Such actions are inexcusable.
I expect CNN and it's specific reporters and news hosts to issue public apologies for their inappropriate and harmful language while reporting on the Steubenville Rape Trial.  I also expect CNN to feature an expert on rape and rape culture so as to fight against the harmful ideas that you and your representative perpetuated.  I will continue to boycott and publicly call out CNN, and encourage all of my friends and colleagues to do so, until CNN, Whitfield, Harlow, Callan, and Crowley all apologize and explain why such coverage was inexcusable." 

Please feel free to copy and share the letter, and use it yourself when calling out CNN.


You can contact CNN on-line

Or tweet them and the responsible reports:
@CNN
@FWhitfield
@crowleyCNN
@PoppyHarlowCNN
@PaulCallan


Sign the Petition

And a follow-up, considering it's been five days with no apology:

I'm absolutely horrified that CNN and its reporters have refused to apologize for their abhorrent rape apology during their reporting of the Steubenville Rape Trial Verdict.  I cannot believe that any station with the pretense of serious reporting would not only engage in such behavior, but refuse to make restitution for their perpetuation of rape culture.
You had the opportunity to show growth and to educate America on a topic that we desperately need enlightened.
For too long has rape been framed as something that just happens, with rapists less than culpable.  Where making reports against rapists is treated as "ruining their lives", with no regard to the fact that the rapist is the active person, the criminal.
You've had the chance to apologize.   To turn this into an opportunity to educate America on consent, rape, and rape culture.  Instead you give us nothing but silence.  On top of the sickening dose of rape apology you've already spewed.
You and your reporters are completely unacceptable. 

Babe, is this Sexist?

Thanks to everyone who voted over on the F.A.R Facebook poll.  The competition was close, but we're (proud? happy? our emotions over these ads are neither of those options) ... anyway, we have a winner for the Babe, is this Sexist? - Superbowl Ad Edition!

Audi - "Prom"

And yes, this is sexist, specifically because it perpetuates rape culture!!! 

"Wait", you might be thinking, "I don't get it/it was just a kiss/she seemed into it". Well, for those who don't immediately get why this ad perpetuates rape culture, let us break it down for you. 

• Any sexual contact that happens without first gaining consent is sexual assault, and yes, kisses count.
• The girl not fighting back, or looking "into it" does not change the fact that she never consented to kiss this guy.  She went to the prom with another guy, how much more 'not that into you' does this boy need?!
• Fuck it, just go and read SlutWalks thread on the issue, lots of awesome people explained it awesomely there.  

Also girls and women are their own independent humans, not props for boys/men's egos, balms for their hurt geeky souls, nor trophies that prove how cool you really are. 

To the Babe, is this Sexist? Masterlist

Any suggestions for the next installment of Babe, is this Sexist? Leave a comment here or on our Facebook page.

Was that a duck?

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.


Pop quiz! If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a __________.

Can you spot the duck?

Yup. Definitely a duck. Look at that perfect example of a duck. I've got my eye on you, duck. 

Uh... yeah. Still a duck. Just, like, with a nose job or something.

Ah, there we go. Back to the definitive duck-action.

Uh... heh. Ok, you got me. It's a goose. But geese are like ducks, so nice try. 

Ye-ah... ok, so it's a swan. Point taken. Still, it could break your arm if you went up to it and called it a duck, so it's up to the swan to differentiate itself from ducks.

Ok, that's just mean. Yes, it's a duck even if it has mobility issues and can't walk quite like other ducks. Geez.

Uh... that's a movie character. It's some dude dressed up as a duck with animatronics and stuff.

Now you're just being sarcastic.

Ok, ok, I get it. Some animals have duck-like qualities and are otherwise totally not duckish at all.

.... you don't have to be rude ....

What the... what end is the...

To break it down for the uninitiated, when talking about issues including sexual violence and victim-blaming, etc, often we hear the aforementioned justification of "if it looks like a duck." Insert for "duck" anything ranging from slut, whore, n*****, f**, etc.

As you can see, it's not even straight-forward to describe a duck. Is it the bill? Is it the feathers? The affinity for water? Are loons ducks? Are geese just a tall and lankey species ducks? Do all ducks quack?

When it comes to women and the label "slut" (as just one possible example), it's even more complicated. Women and girls are frequently labelled sluts for every manner of perceived indiscretion, from the length of their shorts or skirts, amount of skin shown, number of sexual partners they're perceived to have had (real or imagined, really doesn't matter when slut-shaming), how they carry themselves, their profession, their hairstyle, their makeup, their height, their weight, their breastsize, colour of their skin (racism and exoticism of women of colour is a huge factor), who they associate with and family makeup (if one of their friends or family members has been labelled a 'slut', so much easier to label them as such), if they're perceived as flirty (again - reality doesn't matter so much as perception), marital status, etc etc etc.

This isn't hyperbole. This is what women and girls and queer not non-gendery-binary persons experience. Anyone who declares that there is a solid definition of whom can reasonably be labelled with a slur against their sexuality and that the lines aren't easily blurred to envelope whomever the slur-slinger wants to slander, is either blissfully ignorant or a baldfaced liar.

And, even if one happens to fall under the so-broad-as-to-be-meaningless definitions of slut, what then? If you are saying that sluts get treated as such, then you must have some idea as to what that treatment entails. And, here's a hint, it often involves violence.

If you aren't saying that you are sanctioning sexual violence against any one of the myriad of persons who, at one point or another in their lives or the course of a week, could be called a slut, then you really need to think more deeply about your words and their implications. Words matter. Words have meaning. Words can make the difference between supporting survivors of sexual violence or of supporting rapists.

Please think about your words and their implications, because they matter.

This Past Week in Rape Culture

By: Liberate Zealot
Content Warning: Discussions and descriptions of rape, assault, and rape culture

It's been months since we got a comment on the Daniel Tosh and Rape posts, but this week another one showed up.  Invariably it was filled with rape apologism, and like a lot of the rape apologist comments related to this post, was full of information about how the commenter, or people they knew, were engaging in sexual assault (obviously not calling it such though).  I guess such people didn't like the realization that some feminists on the internet thought they, or their friends, where sexual assaulters.  Though why this commenter felt the need to describe the assault in detail for me I don't know.

Luckily it wasn't triggering, mainly I just despaired for humanity.  And if this hadn't been the 4th instance of rape culture knocking on my door than maybe I'd have deleted the comment and gone on my merry way and  DudeBro could think about the fascist feminists who obvi didn't let his post through because of how spot on it was.   But instead I'll be addressing it, and the other instances of rape culture.  Because this shit needs to be called out, and I'm tired of seeing myself and other anti-rape activists being called overly sensitive when in reality rape culture is all around us and everyone else is just inured from how prevalent it all is.

But, seriously, why can't we just shoot all the rapists?

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.


*CONTENT WARNING FOR DISCUSSIONS OF RAPE AND GUN VIOLENCE*

As a follow-up to the post "Kill all rapists!...", here are some practical considerations to take into account when trying to tell women that they all should arm themselves as a method of rape-prevention.

To start off, here are some quick groups that armament won't help, that I really don't think need any further clarification (or least I sincerely hope not):
- infants and children below the age that are legally able to carry firearms
- persons with disabilities that prevent them from being able to handle a firearm
- persons with mental health issues that would make possession of a firearm exceptionally unsafe and irresponsible

I hope we can agree that persons from those groups should not have to arm themselves. Unfortunately, those groups make up a large portion of the victims of sexual violence.

Next, there are some people who may not want to have firearms:
- pacifists who do not believe in responding with violence under any circumstances, including those whose religious beliefs dictate such
- parents who are afraid their young children may get a hold of their weapons
- persons with abusive partners that have not been able to move out and have reasonable fears around keeping weapons in the household
- persons who are not comfortable around guns due to a history of family violence, PTSD, having lost a loved one to gun violence, or any other of a million valid reasons

Now that we've got those groups out of the way, we'll assume that the advice of "carry a gun" is just being directed at this time towards women who are old enough to legally own and responsibly handle a firearm, who want to carry a firearm, and who can conceivably arm themselves at all times because of the particular gun laws where they live.

Let's say that I'm walking through an alley (I know, I know - why would I do that if I value my safety and vagina?) Let's just say that there's construction on the street and all foot-traffic is being diverted through the alley. Let's say I hear footsteps coming up quickly behind me.  I'm armed, I'm alarmed, and someone grabs my arm! I turn and fire off a bunch of shots into... a nun who was trying to return the wallet I dropped. Well, that was a justifiable homicide, right?

Ok, let's be more serious. Let's say that I'm on the subway and it's later at night, maybe around 8 or 9pm, and this far up on the line it's deserted except for me and a man who is staring at me. His stares are making me quite uncomfortable, so I try to keep myself occupied by reading Facebook on my phone. Then, I realize he's masturbating. Can I shoot him, yet? Do I have to wait to see if he approaches me? If I wait, am I just giving him signals that he's safe to assault me because he's already violated my boundaries and I haven't done anything about it?

How about I'm at a house party and a friend is drunk and being really overly friendly and handsy with me. She pulls me in for a kiss, even though I've been trying to keep her at bay all night. Do I shoot her now? Do I wait until she tries to stick her hand down my pants? And if she does, is that enough to shoot her? Or am I only supposed to be shooting men? And what if it's a woman sexually assaulting a man? Can he shoot her? Is this just the kind of protective violence we sanction in theory coming from straight ciswomen to straight cismen, or can people of any gender identity shoot anyone else who attacks them without concern for how the law sees them?

Let's say that I'm fast asleep in bed at home and I wake up and my husband of 20 years is having sex with me in my sleep? Can I casually reach over into the nightstand and grab my gun and shoot him? Do we run drills like we would fire drills so I can practice going throught the motions of shooting someone when suddenly woken up out of a dead sleep?

What if it's a Thursday afternoon and I'm catcalled on my way home from work? Can I shoot the catcaller in the face? I don't know if I ignore him or respond if he'll react with anger. I don't know if this interaction will escalate. I don't know if I'm in physical danger or if he just wants to spook and publicly humiliate me. How long do I have to wait to make sure?

What line has to be crossed before I get the go-ahead?

What threshold has to be met in order for me to shoot any of the people who make me sexually threatened in the course of a day or a week or a month or my lifetime?

Do I have to wait until it's "too late" and they've already penetrated me? How is carrying a gun then a prevention measure as opposed to a measure of vegeance and inhilliation afterthefact?

Does the advice of "carry a gun and shoot all rapists" have anything at all to do with a realistic notion of safety, or is it a gratifying way for people to feel like they're adding something constructive to the conversation without having to do any of the heavy-lifting of understanding how rape happens?

I don't know if the people who give the advice of "carry a gun and shoot all rapists" know how often women feel sexually threatened. The thing about sexual violence, is it's a part of a continuum of unwanted sexual behaviours, and we never know whether or to what degree it will escalate. That's not because we're not aware of our surroundings, or we're inexperienced, etc. It's because the degree of escalation is not up to us - it's up to the perpetrator.

Things like peeping, public masturbation, groping, breaking and entering, etc, can all be a pre-cursor to more extreme levels of sexual violence. Or the perpetrators may not escalate. The people they target do not know whether or not this will escalate, because we are not psychic.

If you really, sincerely think that giving a good number of the population access to and permission to use lethal weapons against people who they fear will rape them, then be prepared for a lot of bloodshed, because these transgressions against our physical boundaries happen to a lot of people on a regular basis.

Or, you can passing along some tangible, effective safety advice that can start working right now, today, towards reducing the instances of sexual violence, and that doesn't require people to kill each other.

Today in Rape Culture

Content Warning: Rape references, rape culture

Every now and again we like to check out the Traffic for our site, specifically the searches that lead people to us.  Today's was especially disturbing.  Image after the cut

Action Against Tosh

Here is a list of various actions people can take if they are looking for something to do in light of Daniel Tosh's many incidents of enforcing rape culture. 


There is a change.org petition making the rounds.  It's to the CEO of Comedy Central and asks for them to take Tosh.0 off the air. 


If you're interested in something a little more direct and time intensive (but still not very difficult) you can contact Comedy Central and their parent company Viacom to complain and/or ask them to take Tosh.0 off the air. 
Comedy Central -  
1775 Broadway, 10th Fl.
New York , NY 10019
Phone: (212) 767-8600
Fax: (212) 767-8592
Web: www.comedycentral.comEmail: mail@comedycentral.com
Facebook : http://www.facebook.com/ComedyCentral
Link to their contact page.


Viacom - 
Link to their contact page 


Here's the letter I sent, feel free to use it.

I'm writing in wake of the increasing scandal around Daniel Tosh, Tosh.0 and his use of rape "jokes" and disregard for people's body autonomy and safety. Along with the well publicized incident where Tosh said "Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…".  The alternative accounts of that event are little better as they still involve Daniel Tosh using a "rape joke" as a means to silence a woman, other stories have come to light. 

• Daniel Tosh has encouraged his audience to tape themselves sneaking up on women and touching them without their consent.  In this 
segment he makes repeated jokes that are a regular part of rape culture. 

• There is also a story circulating the web that on 6/14/11 Daniel Tosh showed the sexual assault of a teen boy as a Video Breakdown.  Furthermore, during this segment Tosh made many racist jokes and rape jokes.

• Lastly there is also the news that when Daniel Tosh decided to remove the rape jokes from his new animated series the producers and editors were "freaking out, because most of the pilot is about rape."

These incidents, and Daniel Tosh's lackluster apology, are completely unacceptable.  Rape is a serious, endemic crime in our culture and Tosh's jokes only increase the problem. His jokes are likely to trigger survivors of sexual violence (of which 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men report being survivors of sexual assault). Some of his actions encourage people, often teen boys, to ignore and violate the body autonomy of women. He has laughed and made jokes while watching and broadcasting an actual rape. (The last two are actions all of Comedy Central are responsible for). 
I have reported the 6/14/11 to the FCC.  I encourage you to take Tosh.0 off the air and sever all ties with Daniel Tosh. I will boycott Comedy Central, and encourage everyone I know to do the same, until this has happened. 

If you want to really make life hard for Daniel Tosh and Comedy Central, report this to the FCC. To do so:

1. Go to the FCC website for filing complaints here. Select “Broadcast (TV and Radio), Cable, and Satellite Issues” then hit “Next.”
2. On the next screen, choose “Broadcast programs showing obscene, profane, and/or indecent material.” Hit next.
3. On the next screen, choose “Complete the form” under “Online form-recommended method.”
4. Complete the form and hit “Submit.”

The episode where Tosh showed the rape of the teen boy aired on 6/14/11.

Rape Apology, Racism and Tosh Fans

By: Liberate Zealot
Content Warning: Rape, Rape Culture, Rape Apology

Unsurprisingly, a lot of people have read my post/seen the video (content warning - rape) where Tosh.0 shows the rape of a teen boy and decided to make excuses for how it isn't "real" rape. Here's my response to the various forms of rape apology that have shown up on tumblr or this blog. 

First lets get this one thing out of the way, because I see a lot of people trying to excuse what happened because it was a “prank”.  Bad things can happen in pranks, pranks can be part of bullying, pranks can be planned with bad intent.  Even if the boys meant this as a friendly prank, it does not change the results of what happened.  And what happened was a serious sexual assault. Non-consensual sexual acts were done to the boy in the white shirt. He had a large dildo jammed at and quite possibly into his asshole, certainly that was the intent since one boy told the rapist to “put it in”.  Even if this started at a prank, it quickly turned into sexual violence and a serious crime.  In fact, the majority of rapes that are done to men/boys by men/boys are "caused" hazing, "discipline", jokes, and "retaliatory justice".  Many of these are gang rapes (while the assault in question is not technically a gang rape, it did involve a group of boys watching and encouraging the rapist). 

Also this is not the first time rapes have happened and bystanders did not intervene.  Maybe some were in shock when their friend took it that far.  Maybe some have been too indoctrinated by the rape myths that men can’t be raped (something the FBI agreed with until earlier this year) too recognize this for what it is.  It certainly seems that a couple of them are just rapists and thus enjoyed victimizing their “friend”.  Which is another thing that is not uncommon for rapists, they target people they know. 
Another rape myth, that apparently those teens, and many people commenting on this have internalized is that all victims act in a certain way that involves screaming and fighting off the rapist.  However,  many victims/survivors go into a state of shock.  They can’t believe someone they trust is doing such a horrible thing to them.  They freeze in panic. And this boy did try to stop/block the assault.  As for him “laughing” afterwards.  I saw his shoulders and ribs moving rapidly, I heard a shake in his voice when he spoke.  Signs of laughter, yes, but also signs of crying, fighting off tears, or a panic attack.  Also laughing can be a nervous/panic response.
 
Many people are also discussing how this isn't "real rape" because there "wasn't real penetration" or penetration couldn't happen under these circumstances and that to call this rape takes away from "real victims".  Now everyone doing this makes me sick and want to scream profanities, but I'm going to try to address these claims with a level of care and maturity that the people commenting thus really don't deserve.   The FBI's updated definition of rape includes “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” See that "no matter how slight"?  That means even the smallest amount of penetration changes a sexual assault/attempted rape into a rape. And yes, the video is of a lower quality and from a distance/angle that does leave a certain amount of interpretation from the viewer. But from everything I've seen, based on my and the legal understanding of rape, this is very likely to qualify.  And even if I'm wrong, even if this was an attempted rape that wasn't fully completed, well so what.  Is calling this boy a survivor of rape going to take away from the experiences of rape victims?  I certainly don't feel so, and I am a survivor.  In fact, I'm a survivor of a rape that many would not call a "real rape".  But guess what does hurt survivors of rape? Closely examining the details of each and every rape and having outsiders rule on whether it's "real" enough. Certainly that aspect of rape culture made it take me over a year to fully name what had been done to me.  Hell, in some people's minds the drugging and raping of a 14 year old by a grown man isn't "real" rape. 
Also to the people saying anal is only possible with liberal amount of lube and prep, just no.  From first hand experience, while lube and prep are necessary for pleasurable anal, they are not necessary for anal full stop.

As for the media response, that’s rape culture. The victim/survivor was a boy, and rape culture tells us men and boys can’t be victims of sexual violence.  The assault started as a prank, so rape culture tells us it was just “boys being boys”.  The victim/survivor didn’t scream or act the way a victim/survivor is “supposed to”, so rape culture says they aren’t a victim.  These are all exceedingly common rape apology tactics. 

And of course, the majority of the people making all these claims are the ones claiming that rape culture doesn't exist. 

Now, less prevalent, but equally problematic are all the claims about how Tosh's commentary isn't racist, because "it's a proven fact that black men have larger penises", it was a joke, and if it is a stereotype it's a "complimentary one".  Guess what though, racist stereotypes are racist.  Racist jokes are racist. And there is no such thing as a complimentary/good stereotype.  One doesn't have to be a member of the KKK to be a racist.  One doesn't have to use the n-word.  All on has to do is treat/see people of color as other.  And if you've grown up in North America, Europe, Australia, or plenty of other countries, and are white, than it's a pretty safe bet that you're at least a little bit racist sometimes. 

Daniel Tosh and Rape

By Liberate Zealot

Content Warning - Rape

So Daniel Tosh is a horrid person who makes jokes about rape and uses threats of rape as a means to silence women. 

Lovely, and not too surprising considering an episode of his TV show I saw last summer. It was one of the few times I’ve watched and in it Tosh showed a video of a “dildo fight” that turned into a rape.

He made jokes about the video. This man showed a video of a teen boy being rape by his friend with a dildo for entertainment purposes.  He made jokes about it. 

A description of the video is bellow the cut.  I removed the embedding because they're teens and it might be child porn and illegal.  It's up on Youtube. Again, it’s likely triggering.

Let's Talk About Sex

By: Liberate Zealot
Content Warning: Rape culture

Or more accurately let's talk about how we talk about sex.  The narratives surrounding sex and the words and expressions used when we do talk about sex. Specifically let's talk about how these things are often major contributors to rape culture.

By the nature of what I'm discussing and Kyriarchal culture this will be somewhat heterosexist and trans/genderqueer erasing.  When possible I will be gender/sex neutral.  So while the language/narratives discussed are not inclusive I will try to be so. 

Lions, Tigers, and Rapists. Oh, my!

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.


If you've spent any amount of time on forums talking about sexual violence, you've likely come across posts similar to the following:

Hypothetical situation: You live in a savanna, inhabited by lions. You know the lions exist, and you are warned of the lions by your friends, family, and colleagues.

However, it is your right to wear an outfit made out of raw meat, if you so please. You do so, and are brutally mutilated by a lion before you can be rushed to the hospital.

You start a [futile] campaign to eradicate dangerous lions from the savanna, while also campaigning against victim-blaming, arguing that your outfit was no excuse for a lion to attack you

Is this justified?

First off, the comparison between rapists and lions is ridiculous. When we're discussing rape and rape culture, we're not talking about animals attacking people. We're talking about people attacking people.

But, for the sake of argument, I'll play along with this particular scenario.

Let's say that I do live in the savana, as many people do, and that there are lions. And let's say I wear a suit made of meat (maybe Lady Gaga is making a visit and it's an hommage of sorts). If a lion attacks me, I could potentially take off the meat suit and toss it at the lion to stave off attack, since the lion will be after the meatsuit, and not necessarily me.

Heck, if I left the meatsuit out on the line, the lion would go after it. If the lion/ rapist analogy were accurate, then I could leave skivvies or miniskirts or any other manner of "slutty" items on the fence around my house to deflect the rapists. Or, I could keep some lingerie in my purse, and if I were feeling threatened, I could toss those at the potential rapist to distract hir long enough to get away.

Or, let's say I don't wear a meat suit. Well, to a lion, I am a meat suit. So, unless I'm wearing a bearproof (or lionproof) suit, then I'm still vulnerable.

Now, taking from the above example, let's say that my family and friends didn't let me know that I'm still meat to the lion even when I'm not wearing the dreaded meat suit. Let's say they also didn't tell me that lions can be my friends and family members and coworkers and spouses. Let's say that they think the lions only live in the savana and attack meat suits, and then blame me when I'm attacked in my home when wearing a night gown. How did this meat suit "advice" protect me?

Also, if we were talking about actual lions, it would be pretty easy to eradicate them. Humans have been driving other species into exctinction for at least hundreds of years, now. If I could just shoot and kill these lions without censure or recourse or being more heavily punished than the lion that attacked me, then this would be an entirely different situation.

As it stands, I'd much rather try my chances with a lion. At least I can spot a lion, I know what a lion is, what to expect from a lion, and if I were to get mauled by a lion no one would debate whether I got mauled or was just faking it.

But, seriously, lions are fucking scary.

Why SlutWalk - Several Days Late

By: Liberate Zealot
Content Warning: Discussions of rape, rape culture and slut-shaming


This post is several days late, I apologize, but I was traveling and away from my computer at the time. 

The Right to Cultural Sexual Consideration

By: Liberate Zealot


Content Warning: discussions of transphobia, racism, ableism, fat hating, and rape culture

Recently the Candanian and US feminist blogosphere has been buzzing over a semiar/workshop put on by a PP and health services in Canada that focused on cultural acceptance of transwomen in the queer community, specifically about sex and desirability.  It made use of the phrase "cotton ceiling" and a feminist group in the US created a petition and leveled charges of predatory and "rapey" behavior. 

This lead to a discussion on the appropriateness of the phrase (by drawing comparisons to the glass ceiling) and the ideas behind the conference. If you're interested in the specifics of the relationship between the glass ceiling and the cotton ceiling read Ceiling Metaphors by Tobi, a queer transwoman.  


One thing that came up for debate was a persons right to have their sexual beingness recognized and respected at a cultural level.  People seemed to conflate this with them having a right to sex at the individual level, or else just didn't get why desexualization was problematic, or why freedom from cultural desexualization is a right.

And honestly, I'm somewhat worried about writing this.  A lot of this post and cultural desexualization has to do with race, or being trans, fat, or a person with differing abilities (societal disabilities) and is an aspect of racism, transphobia, fat phobia, and ableism.  And I'm white, cis, able bodied, and thin.  I'm also blond and rather "feminine" and desexualization is not something I experience.  However, I ended up being the champion for the right to cultural sexual consideration in the thread, and I want to spend some time going over it for future use and to further organize and process my own thoughts.  So here's the warning, as the result of my privilege I might get some of this wrong.  If so, I hope people will let me know.

Belvedere

By: Malanka Sveta


Content Warning: Violent Depictions of Rape

I love Escher.  And "Belvedere" has always been one of my favorites.  The way the building twists and the way you lose your perspective from one point to the next (a hallmark of Escher) is magical.  It is the expectation that the world has far more to offer than we can see.  Sometimes a loss of perspective is how we gain perspective. 

 And sometimes a loss of perspective is how we communicate our intentions.  Belvedere Vodka lost their perspective yesterday.  Hopefully they lost a significant portion of sales as well because their intentions were particularly heinous.

Babe, is this Sexist?

Not a lot of voting for this weeks Babe, is this Sexist? installment.  However, it ties very nicely into the week being International Anti-Street Harassment Week.

How sexist is this?  Let me count the ways.

- Objectification.  We've said it before.  Women are not cars or any other type of object.  It'd be great if advertisers, especially car advertisers, could realize this. 

- This is like a masturbatory fantasy of street harassment.  Man see's a woman he doesn't know in the street, he stares/leers at her.  She notices, yells at him, slaps him, and then starts getting sexual with him.  NOT HOW STREET HARASSMENT WORKS!  The story of this video supports the idea of street harassment as complimentary and thus supports rape culture. 

- There's also some racist, sexualized "Other" elements.  Because Latina's are sexy and tempestuous amirite?

Please remember to submit ideas of next week's Babe, is this Sexist?  We'd love submissions that have to do with street harassment (either images or statements).  Also remember to visit our Facebook page next Monday - Wednesday to vote! 

Go to the "Babe, is this Sexist?" Masterpost

Just because they're awesome, doesn't mean they can't be awful

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.

Don't hate! He helped me with that thing that time!

I keep coming back to this issue, and it is such a frustrating one. Someone says or does something problematic (in some circumstances illegal and horrific), and yet they have supporters who will try to dismiss the seriousness of the offense because of how "good" or "nice" or "honourable" the person is. Other than that thing. And potentially that long series of things committed against minors in their charge over a span of decades.

On the one hand, I get it. Someone you care about personally, and/or respect a great deal is being challenged and you want to protect them. They were there for you before, or you've read some of their great speeches/ books/ published papers, etc, and it distresses you that someone so amazing is being insulted in this way.

I get that it can be very hard to listen to criticisms of people we love. When a stranger is making accusations against them, our first instinct is often to go into mama-bear mode and protect them, regardless of the substance or severity of the accusation.

Take for example, my mom. My mom's super. Sometimes I have issues with my mom. Sometimes my sister and I talk about issues we're having with our mom. But if anyone else outside that tiny circle of my sis and I start talking smack about my mom, I won't stand for that. That's when I go into the "My mom's a saint! You best back off my mom lest I bring your mom's faults into this!"-sort of mode. So, I get the reaction. I do.

The thing is, sometimes the people we love and respect make bad decisions. Sometimes they may be good to us but horrifically terrible to others. Sometimes even when they're not that great to us we still feel a sense of loyalty that urges us to defend them.

This is obviously problematic. First off, it largely leads to victim-blaming. If we are so unwilling to believe that someone we know/ trust/ respect, etc, is capable of being anything but awesome, despite all evidence to the contrary, there really is no place else to go but to blame and/or disbelieve their accusers.

Putting people on pedestals is unhealthy. Full-stop. No one is perfect and absolutely no one deserves to be revered as more than human. Not our parents, our partners, our religious leaders, our political leaders, our teachers, our bosses, our siblings, movie stars, professional athletes, scientists, political activists, no one. Everybody has flaws and blindspots, because we're all raised in an imperfect culture that teaches us, up front and subliminally, very problematic things. We need to see them as human and fallible so we can both genuinely appreciate the good things they do despite their regular flaws (as in, non-criminal, non-oppressive flaws like not practicing dental hygene, not knowing how to parallel park, having the audacity to have cellulite, not being omnisciently intelligent, etc), and to hold them accountable when necessary.

Also, by defending people despite their problems, we are preventing them from becoming better people. We learn through our mistakes, but only if we acknowledge they are mistakes. If someone is making sexist comments and they're being egged on to not apologize because they're already oh-so-awesome the way they are, that can prevent them from self-growth in stepping beyond their misogynistic beliefs. If loving and admiring someone depends on them maintaining their misogyny, then they're not the only person with the problem.

In the more serious cases of heroes committing crimes, if you think that a person's positive contributions are more important than them being held accountable for the crimes they've committed, welcome to rape culture. You're in it.

Just play by these rules and you'll be fine

The following is cross-posted from the Damsel in de Tech blog. Click here to see the original.


Let's play a game, shall we? Let's pretend this is only a game and not relevant to real life and that there really is a way to win.*

Now, in this game, you are a white, able-bodied ciswoman. You have class privilege from growing with up two parents who are not rich but are solidly middle-class and in a healthy, non-abusive family environment. What luck!

Now, in this game, pick one of the two:
You:

1. a) date or have dated people who are not 100% respectful of you.
   b) only date people who are 100% respectful of you at all times.
2. a) have had sexual contact outside of marriage
   b) are saving your viriginity for marriage
3. a) don't have kids
   b) have kids
4. a) are utilizing some form of birth control
   b) are not utilizing any form of birth control
5. a) are conventionally attractive
   b) are not conventionally attractive
6. a) are an atheist or agnostic
   b) practice a particular religion
7. a) are married and your partner makes more money than you do
   b) are married and you make more than your partner does
8. a) imbibe legal and government-regulated intoxicating substances
   b) do not partake of any intoxicating substances
9. a) you're married
   b) you're not married
10. a) you are not constantly thinking about your personal safety
    b) you are hyper-vigilant about your personal safety
11. a) you are knowledgeable about rape myths, and take calculated risks 
    b) you abide by every single "safety tip" just in case

Ok, pencils down! Let's see how you did!

In the interest of full-disclosure, I feel it's only fair to let you know it's all downhill from here.

1. a) Women only date assholes because they like being abused! - minus 5 points!
   b) Why don't you give him a chance? As if you're so perfect. - minus 10 points!
2. a) You've had sex with how many people? You disgusting slut! - minus 20 points!
   b) You're waiting for sex until marriage? What a prude. You're probably a dyke. - minus 8 points!
3. a) You don't have kids because you're focussed on your career? What a sad, empty life you must lead. - minus 50 points!
   b) You don't have a job because you stay at home with the kids? What a waste of potential. - minus B^2 points!
4. a) You use birth control? You must be a slut. - minus (Pi)R ^2 points!
   b) You didn't use birth control? You're such a stupid slut. - minus 100 points!
5. a) You're so beautiful. You could get any guy, so you must be a slut. - minus 150 points!
   b) You're so ugly. You must have to be a slut to get anyone to pay attention to you. - minus 42 points!
6. a) You're an atheist? No wonder you have no morals. - minus 500 points!
   b) You're a (insert religion here)? No wonder you're a mindless sheep. - minus the square root of infinity points!
7. a) Your husband is rich? You must be shallow and just with him for the money. - minus 37 points!
   b) You make more money than your husband? How immasculating. How does he put up with that? - minus 73 points!
8. a) You like to drink booze? You're such a dirty lush. - minus 60proof points!
   b) You're straight-edge? What an uptight bitch. - minus 100 percent points!
9. a) You're married? How were you able to fool him into getting stuck with you? - minus calculus points!
   b) You're not married? You musn't be good enough to get any man to want to stick with you. - minus a googleplex points!
10. a) Don't be so naive and trusting! All men are rapists! - minus uber lots of points!
    b) Why don't you trust men? You must hate them. - minus (GDP of Brazil) points!
11. a) Don't go down dark alleys because you'll get raped! - minus a bazillionty points!
    b) You never take chances. You're timid and pathetic. What do you think's gonna happen? The boogeyman gonna get you? - MINUS ALLLLL THE POINTS!!!!!!1!!1!1!!!ELEVENTY!1!!

And, you lose! Yay! What a fun game! Now, let's play again, only now you're non-caucasian, disabled, LGBTTQQ, poor, etc. You lose even more! Stop playing because your losing is harshing my buzz!!!!!

Now, for something completely different (because I don't wanna play that game any more, either).

*CAUTION! THIS POST MAY HAVE BEEN OVERSATURATED WITH SARCASM!